If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High


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A former carny kid casts an insider's eye on the amusement business, Coney Island, and fun places in between. Amazon Digital Services — Published February 13th Leave a Reply Cancel reply Enter your comment here Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Email required Address never made public. No Love Lost in Translation. Fattie Wisdom My two cents on being fat.

The Dairi Burger – Reading Sweet Valley High in my thirties.

Amusing the Zillion A former carny kid casts an insider's eye on the amusement business, Coney Island, and fun places in between. Some of the best times of my life were writing and posting here. Even though I am done recapping Sweet Valley High , my recap days are not over. The show is very Sweet Valley-like and I am sure some of you watch it.

I genuinely enjoy watching these incredibly attractive but incredibly damaged people. The book includes the recaps of the first Sweet Valley High books, which first appeared on this here blog, but the book also contains recaps of the second hundred-or-so books in the series which are not on here. I appreciate the support and even the fact that you have taken the time to read things I wrote amazes and flatters me. You can always see what I am up to on my website at http: On Facebook here and here.

Purchase it here, follow Amy on Facebook , twitter , and read her blog. Another excerpt from my forthcoming book. That was almost two books ago. This is what it must be like to be unpopular. He is asking me about how the fire happened but I kept looking at the sad flowers on my bedside table. How can there be a god when my Persian rug was destroyed? DAY 1 Target acquired. Landed pod where it was the most green and most beautiful. Intergalactic UN is counting on me. From my short observations, this settlement is run by teenagers.

Will assume role of male teenager.

Reading Sweet Valley High in my thirties.

Have created perfect hybrid. Name is Devon Whitelaw. Devon was the name of the computer on my first space mission, and Whitelaw because it seems that Whites make the laws in Sweet Valley. DAY 2 Arrived at school. Found nice old lady and mind controlled the crap out of her to make her think she was my former Nanny. Telling everyone my parents died seems easier. Dammit, my assistant forgot to brief me before I left. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. Lists with This Book. Apr 16, Stacey rated it it was amazing Shelves: I devoured the books If I read each book once I read it fifteen times.

No that is not an exaggeration. My grandma finally asked me if 'they were naughty books' because I had always been a reader but Sweet Valley turned quickly into an addiction. I knew how dirty that looked and I loved it! Alas those darn books were unrealistically squeaky clean, so frustrating for me! A few years ago I was home for six weeks healing after surgery. I decided to buy the books online again to relive some of my youth I guess. Only then did I start to realize how truly horrible these books were. Yet, I still read through the entire series again.

My obsession was reeling its ugly head. I always realized that the timelines did not make sense As a heavy pre-teen I can't believe I didn't recognize the disdain for chubby girls that the book portrays but I didn't. As an adult I saw right away that if you weren't blonde and size 6 you were a nobody in Sweet Valley. I loved Elizabeth growing up and I wanted to be just like her. Yet when I re-read the series I found her so annoying and sanctimonious.

I still had fun hating on Jess and Lila though. They were the best. And I think Bruce Patman was my first ever book boyfriend. The author points out the many obvious things I never recognized as a child: How superficial all the characters were, how no one ever seemed to need to use the restroom, how all these couples were madly in love but anyone who even thought about it became branded as a nasty. And where were these parents every single time one or both of their daughters were being kidnapped or the victim of a would be raping or murder?

I don't want to quote any lines but there were some comments that made me laugh hysterically. The author does a fantastic job of deconstructing the series in a hilarious manner and yet still she still respects the stories and recognizes their importance to many a pre-teen in the 80's and early 90's. She is allowed encouraged to make fun at these stories because she was a fan too. There is something lasting about Sweet Valley and something about that silly made up town that many, many years later, I still will rush out to buy any new product that comes out about Sweet Valley.

Even though "Sweet Valley Confidential" was a huge train wreck, I still bought the Sweet Life e-serial stories as they were released. If you have Sweet Valley nostalgia, you need to buy this. Apr 05, kylajaclyn rated it really liked it. I tore through this in about three days, no more than that. She's the one who inspired me to start reading and reviewing Sweet Valley again. Come on, the Wakefields are just begging to be mocked! Apr 19, April Forker rated it really liked it. My friends and I were obsessed with these books when we were younger.

We were way too young to be reading them I'm sure but you know HA I laughed so hard reading this - it is dead on and I never even realized how cheesy these books were. Obviously because I was 10 when I was reading them. I doubt I could even get through one but your book was so funny I was fortunate enough that my mom saw this on a free Kindle edition because she KNEW I would love it.

I doubt I could even get through one but your book was so funny recapping. Recently I started watching Beverly Hills from the beginning on Soap Net and let me tell you - I feel the same way about the first couple of seasons of that show as you do these SVH books. The cheesiness is ridiculous! Great read for anyone who read these books as a child!

history of the entire world, i guess

Feb 19, Sharon rated it really liked it Shelves: This was originally a series of blog post recaps by Robin Hardwick, later turned into a book. It's essentially a sarcastic look back at the first Sweet Valley High books, plus the super editions or thrillers that were published during that time. It was a really fun read, I read it in little chunks and it was amazing how many names and plots came back to me. Because of SVH, pocketbooks and barrettes were the bane of my tween life - I didn't have a bulls notion what they were. But I wanted the This was originally a series of blog post recaps by Robin Hardwick, later turned into a book.

But I wanted them. Frozen yogurt was some kind of intriguing new concept, and a lavalier was some kind of elusive, baffling adornment. The book is not as laugh-out-loud funny as Red Lemonade's Sweet Valley High recaps google them, they're briliantly funny and there is some repition but that's forgivable considering the recaps were individual blog posts. It's a really enjoyable read and great to know what happened at the end of the Camp saga - I got the first one at Christmas and re-read it so many times but could never find the follow-up.

As an aside, there's an interview in here with Francine Pascal and she sounds like a right She made an absolute fortune by writing story outlines then hiring ghostwriters to churn the books out, yet takes complete ownership of the entire series of books. She's also pretty nonchalant about stuff like bringing characters back from the dead - when asked about one particular character who had died, then returned, then was presumed dead again, she said "She'll be alive if I need her to be".

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Anyway, if you were a fan of the original books, this is a great read. And it'll make you want to read the originals all over again. View all 3 comments. Oct 04, Erin rated it liked it Recommended to Erin by: Saw this a few days ago when my friend Lizz posted that she is reading it. Just purchased on Kindle for For true SVH people only, this is an amusing, thorough recap of the series, including the ill-conceived, Wakefield twins as adults Sweet Valley Confidential. I was on the older end of the target audience age for these books, so I only read the first twenty or so before moving Saw this a few days ago when my friend Lizz posted that she is reading it.

I was on the older end of the target audience age for these books, so I only read the first twenty or so before moving on to other things but I vividly remember cajoling my mom to take me to the A-Mart yes, a K-Mart knockoff, for a town far too small for any chain stores to buy the newest one each month - I can't believe they were even delivered to Tazewell on a regular basis, but there it was, each month.

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A fun trip down memory lane, though not really a book to read straight through That said, I DID read almost totally straight through, but only because it's perfect for short attention span hospital stay reading. Dec 26, Stacie rated it liked it Shelves: Amusing book of blog entries where a 30something woman reread all the Sweet Valley High books as an adult. She pointed out some things I never realized as a teenager reading them and I laughed a lot while reading this book. I got it when it was free on Kindle and I think you can google search her name and find the entries online if the book isn't free anymore.

It was nice light fluffy reading. Sep 13, Bridget rated it it was ok Shelves: So first off, this was a gift thanks, Kate! This is basically the author's blog put into e-book form. I don't know if she edited these blogs before putting them into e-book form, but I would guess not due to the typos and sometimes inconsistent writing. But, I didn't read her blog, so I honestly have no idea.

It seemed to me that she didn't read and review these in order but I So first off, this was a gift thanks, Kate! It seemed to me that she didn't read and review these in order but I could be wrong because sometimes she would define something in one book summary that she'd been using off and on throughout the previous book summaries. I actually read the Sweet Valley Twins middle-school age books the most, mostly because I was younger and my mother thought the SVH books were too trashy. After re-reading all these summaries, turns out she was both right and wrong on that point.

Yes, they were ridiculous and trashy but also - weirdly PG about everything. There was a lot I didn't remember from these books and sadly, the author barely dives into Sweet Valley Confidential: Ten Years Later , which I've been actively mocking since I read it in Much like the books, this e-book gets monotonous and repetitive but that is hard to avoid since so many of the books were monotonous and repetitive!


  • If You Lived Here, You'd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High;
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  • However, my one real pet peeve is that the author constantly references the book covers and the readers can't see them! Maybe she had included stills on her blog? Another reason I think this e-book wasn't edited before being released Regardless, if you're going to mock a book cover, I want to be able to see it! Still, this will certainly be entertaining and at times, even laugh-out-loud funny to any die-hard SVH fans out there.

    Sep 13, Su rated it really liked it. And this guide is hilarious. I hadn't realized before now how much the SVH books have in common with the Chalet School books-- SVH has boys, meaner characters, and more far-fetched storylines, but otherwise the two series are basically the same. Which is also pretty hilarious. This book is NOT for you if you don't like four-letter words this is the writer's blog in book form, so that's what it reads like , you don't I was more a Sweet Valley Twins fan than Sweet Valley High, but I read a couple.

    This book is NOT for you if you don't like four-letter words this is the writer's blog in book form, so that's what it reads like , you don't want to read this series that you loved being poked apart, or you don't like books that get repetitive in a hurry-- there are only so many ways to make fun of the same characters doing the exact same thing over and over again.

    Sep 22, Megan rated it liked it Shelves: This is a tumblr turned into a book, and the kindle edition still had typos in it. It was fun, but if I'm going to reread a blog turned into a book this year, I'll reread the Hyperbole and a Half book. Jan 31, Romina rated it it was ok Shelves: Nov 25, Caitlin rated it it was ok. It was a weird recap of all books sweet valley. Aug 13, Hayes the Haute Librarian rated it liked it Shelves: It was great remembering the tawdry "young adult" books I read around ages 9 and Also, the author's snarky reviews of each novel is hilarious to read.

    Aug 08, Angie rated it really liked it. Lots of fun to revisit the world of Sweet Valley through the eyes of a witty, cynical contemporary who loves these books at heart. Oct 15, Sara rated it really liked it Shelves: This is exactly what the title makes it sound like: The author's blog, The Dairi Burger, is where I'd originally stumbled across many of these recaps, as she shared the highlights lowlights?

    This book combines those recaps, plus continues with recaps of the remaining books in the SVH series that were not originally on the blog. Fans of SVH This is exactly what the title makes it sound like: Fans of SVH are really the only ones who'd be interested in this book. Although not a single recaps is without snark, reading short summaries of each book and having the ridiculousness pointed out is awesome.

    There are also continual comments about how peripheral characters were treated and how they disappeared and reappeared as necessary. If you want to relive the days of SVH and don't want to reread the actual books or even if you do , or if you're curious how the series ended, this is such a fun read.

    If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High
    If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High
    If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High
    If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High
    If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High
    If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High
    If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High
    If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High If You Lived Here, Youd Be Perfect By Now: The Unofficial Guide to Sweet Valley High

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